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The Read List
1) Horus Rising - Dan Abnett
2) False Gods - Graham McNeill
3) Galaxy in Flames - Ben Counter
4) Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus
5) Flight of the Eisenstein - James Swallow
6) The Magician's Guild - Trudi Caravan
7) The Novice - Trudi Caravan
8) The High Lord - Trudi Caravan
9) The World According to Clarkson - Jeremy Clarkson
10) Fulgrim - Graham McNeill
11) Legion - Dan Abnett
12) Battle for the Abyss - Ben Counter
13) Mechanicum - Graham McNeill
14) Nemesis - James Swallow
15) Daughters of Arabia - Jean Sasson
16) Descent of Angels - Mitchel Scanlon
17) Desert Royal - Jean Sasson
18) The First Heretic - Aaron Dembski-Bowden
19) The Gift - Cecelia Ahern
20) Paths of Glory - Jeffery Archer
21) A Thousand Sons - Graham McNeill
22) The Art Thief - Noah Charney
23) Bringing Nothing to the Party - Paul Carr
24) Prospero Burns - Dan Abnett
25) Beat the Reaper - Josh Bazell

1) Next - Michael Crichton
2) Battle of The Fang - Christ Wraight
3) Helsreach - Aaron Dembski-Bowden
4) Shopaholic and Sister - Sophie Kinsella
5) The Ultramarine Omnibus - Graham McNeill
6) The Summons - John Grisham
7) After Dark - Haruki Murakami
8) Nagash the Sorcerer - Mike Lee
9) The Emperor's Tomb - Steve Berry
10) Nagash the Unbroken - Mike Lee
11) Realms of Shadow - R.A. Salvatore
12) Stop What You're Doing And Read This!
13) Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James
14) Fifty Shades Darker - E.L. James
15) Fifty Shades Free - E.L. James
16) The Last Mythal Anthology - Realms of the Elves
17) Nagash Immortal - Mike Lee
18) The Paris Vendetta - Steve Berry
19) The Elven Nations Trilogy - Paul Thomas, Tanya Cook & Douglas Niles
20) The House of Silk - Anthony Horowitz
21) Architect of Fate - Christian Dunn
22) The Killing Ground - Graham McNeill
23) Courage and Honour - Graham McNeill

1) Ravensoul - James Barclay
2) Chapter's Due - Graham McNeill
3) Making Money - Terry Prachett
4) Soul Hunter - Aaron Dembski-Bowden
5) Blood Reaver - Aaron Dembski-Bowden
6) Mortal Instruments : The CIty of Bones
7) Mortal Instruments : The City of Ashes

1) Mockingjay - Suzanne Colins
2) The Fault In Our Stars - John Green
3) Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman
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Sunday. 3.4.18 8:30 am
listening to: Almost Honest - Josh Kelley

In the course of the last couple of years, I thought I was getting better at just going with the flow, crossing bridges as I come to it and taking chances. Perhaps I did get better but not as good as I thought I did.

I am finding myself hating the fact that I am once again waiting for almost everything to fall into place. I have no idea why I fear lost opportunities when there really aren't much out there for me to lose - yet here I am.

I don't want to just sit here and wait but I find there to not be anything of interest out there. My one distraction has also turned into a waiting game and quite honestly I didn't expect to have to wait for this one.

I don't trust things that come easily to me because things that are easy doesn't stay but I am wishing and hoping that for once, things are just easy. I'm not waiting for life to begin, I'm waiting for life to be a little bit less predictable.

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Thursday. 7.6.17 8:42 am
I came across this article on the BBC which speaks about expats repatriating to their home country and feeling lost.

I may not have left the country for long but coming back and "reintergrating" seems to be a problem. I have hardly left the house much since I have been back other than to imbibe or meet my friends.

To an extent, there is nothing out there that I want to do, no one new that I am even remotely interested to meet and sadly, no where I could go and just get lost for a few hours that doesn't need me to spend money.

I reflected on my routine before I left and I realised that I didn't lived.. I merely survived here, which makes me sad. I guess I need to start looking for something since it looks like I'm going to be here for a while.

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Nothing has changed
Wednesday. 6.21.17 10:57 pm
So I'm back from the lovely country called New Zealand.......

To find that nothing has changed.. It probably got worse but nothing has changed and it is at this point suffocating me.

As boring as NZ is (as compared to Melbourne / Sydney), I don't have a life here. The boys here are annoying, patronising and jugemental.

Nothing has changed except me and that is incredibly sad

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The secret ingredient is love
Thursday. 4.27.17 4:11 am
You know how people like to say that food tastes better when cooked with love? I'm starting to think that is true.

Why you may ask? Because my teas never tasted as good anymore. When I was on the lettuce farm down in Southbridge, New Zealand, my teas tastes good. Now that I'm in Auckland, I am drinking the same tea, the same brand, the same everything but it just absolutely does not taste as good.

It must have been love but it's over now. It must have been the love for the carefree life where you wake up, go to work, come back, cook and sleep with almost zero drama.

That must be it!

Or the fact that on the farm, our water comes from an underground spring but it must have been love.

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My brain is in love
Thursday. 4.13.17 5:48 am
But I'm not in love.

It started with randomly having Jessica Ware's Say You Love Me playing in my head then it turned into Ed Sheeran's How Would You Feel and that song never left... It's been the entire week.

listening to: Ed Sheeran - How Would You Feel

Somehow if feels weird because I'm feeling all this emotions that I haven't felt for about 2 years and I would say that I don't have much triggering this that isn't in my head. There is one person whom I would think of when this happens but I haven't spoken to that person in months and I don't even know if I will ever see this person again.

It's so weird and as much as I don't know why or how to take this situation, I am glad it's not something sad that has materialised in my mind.

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I thought I was Stuck
Wednesday. 4.5.17 5:16 am
but I suppose that was just a matter of perspective. I am not stuck now anymore and I have never been stuck, I just thought that I was. I suppose it has come to a point where I just stop fighting against the current and let life take me where it takes me.

I wish things would stabilise soon enough and I hope things will turn out for the best. As much as I would love to stay in this lovely country, if I have to go home in order to stay sane, I will.

I also think that one of my exes sort of told me that he wants me back last weekend.. but I'm not that person anymore. I've tried being with someone who wanted to travel all the time and I've tried being with someone who would never leave unless he really has to and I know that I need that balance, that reality break.

I think this is the first time I've ever spoken about the two of them in a public space. So, this is me, telling the world that I have had two when some people thought that I had none.

There are so many things happening that I cannot put up here without it sounding ominous. I wish I can but perhaps I will when things are more settled.

Till next time!

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